Life is too short to hold grudges. Life is too short to be running in circles. Generally speaking, life is just too short for anything. I realized this after my mother was assaulted by a black man on the streets of Jersey City, 5 minutes away from our house. A low life man who punched her multiple times in the face as she laid helpless on the ground. I always said to myself that the odds of something like this happening to me or my family was slim to nothing; I guess the odds were against me this time.

I never imagined how cruel people can be, such animals they become when it comes to money. The thug who attacked my mother for her coin purse; in which it carried little to no more than a dollar. He took her purse, but thankfully not her life.

Viewing the situation in a worst case scenario, I realize that life is too short for everything. Too short to hold grudges on the people who hurt you. Too short to be running in circles, and definitely too short to be pursuing the fantacisms in life. Life is just too too short to find reason in certain things.

Reasons such as the outcomes in life, to why people hurt others, and reasons to people motives. Life is ephemeral to find reasons in sins, and not long enough to hold grudges for them. But if life is too short to find reason, then nothing in the world will ever be justified.

I know for a fact that the man who attacked my mother is long gone, maybe waiting outside for another prey. And sitting down, feeling upset over something I could of prevented, will do nothing but put more stress on myself. Nothing will ever justify my mother's assault.

The man can be dead, he can be locked up in jail, he can even reform...but the fact that it happened embosses the memories in our lives.

Looking at my mother's face, the two black eyes, the swollen nose, the cuts and bruises, the sad look on her face...I can only bite my lip from crying. A cheerful, sweet woman, who fell victim to such a low life man.

Life is too short to hold grudges on that man. And karma is nothing but a coincedence in life. I can kill the man given the opportunity, but that won't erase the memories. The only thing I can do now is prevent it.

The State of New Jersey issued a possession of firearms, which I qualify for. It's only a couple of days from now that I get my gun and my license to carry it.

I'm not going to be vigilante and start shooting everyone I see. Or never will I stand at the same block of the incident and wait for that man to come. Guns kill people which I am aware of, but there's a fine line between morals and family. One wrong won't justify another wrong. But now, I can at least prevent it. 

It's true, life is too short. And life will be even shorter for those who attack my loved ones again.

I've been drinking to ease my mind, as well as drinking myself to sleep.

Yesterday was different. Yesterday had to be the most difficult, upsetting moment I've experienced in a while. To find pictures at work, of your ex-girlfriend at the beach with guys including her ex-boyfriend, struck me straight to the core.

"She's doesn't care about me." is all I can say to myself as I tried holding myself from crying.

I find it humorous, the time, effort, and attention I put into the relationship, she easily put that aside in exchange for fun. It was obvious that everything I put into our relationship wasn't satisfactory.

The pictures stayed in my mind through out the whole day, as a result I resolved into drinking, for an early night of rest. Unfortunately I woke up 10 at night, a little hung over. As I was trying to ignore the effects of the alcohol, I could only imagine what she was doing at that time, probably enjoying herself. I realized I shouldn't be crying for a girl who doesn't care about me.

That night was the defining moment in my life where I was pathetic, let alone last night was the turning point in my life. I said to myself, "She isn't worth it".

It's about time I stopped crying.

What the fuck have you done lately?

It's pretty cold for July. As the sun warms me up while I take my last hit, I stare mindlessly at the open road before me. I took a detour on the way to work and pulled over on the turnpike to ease my mind. The world won't really put me down; the radio played music that made me feel nostalgic, and Z100 discussed about cheating which evidently triggered my mood. As I take a deep breath, I realized that this was not going to be easy.

Lighting the fuse to my 1990 Corolla, I kicked some dust to avoid the mind wrecking questions of "why". The continuous thoughts of the "how would I react if this were to happen", or "what now", only made me drive faster. With the window pulled down, the only thing I can hear is the wind gushing through my window as it grazes my hair. And as those fearful thoughts try to slowly creep back into my conscious mind, the faster I drove.

My adrenaline was flowing; it felt like I was going to overheat. Speeding through the turnpike, blowing through the towns, I held a smile and drove even faster. The world, the fears, the heartaches, the stress, couldn't catch me. Driving was my escape from everything. With the sound of the engine, the feel of the wind through my hair, and the smell of the burning rubber, I never felt so high; yet I was finally calm for the first time in this past few weeks.

What the fuck have you done lately?